IS HOPE POSSIBLE? WHEN IMPATIENT?

There are some things going on in our lives at this time that gnaw at my ability to live with a ton of hope.  Now perhaps, this difficulty stems from my tendencies to be weak on patience.  They may be linked to the overall malaise in the country with the state of the economy, unemployment, etc.  Maybe it’s the amount of effort I expend, completely not correlated to the return on my “investments”.   I don’t know.  I do know that I am struggling with being HOPEFUL.   The Jim is being the cock-eyed optimist these days, and while that’s a slight shift, I’m glad he’s able to look through the cloudy sky and see the glimmer of the sun.  While I’m not going to talk about the issues that are gnawing at me, I’m just curious?  How do we foster and encourage hopefullness in a time, place and situation where it feels like a lot of the hope crew have taken a lunch break?

I’m completely open to suggestions.  I’m mildly hopeful you may have some.

In the meantime, I’ll leave it to Morrissey:

TRYING TO KEEP CHINS UP AND HOPE-FULL

It seems you cannot avoid the situation our country is in these days.  I wake up every morning to hear that more people have lost their jobs, even a few close to me; and you start to prepare for ‘anything’.  I mean, I’m not sure, but can things get better?  I really hope so, but I don’t know anymore.  I’m saddened because a lot of the situation that we’re in is due to the greed of many at the top and the reality that trickle-down only really works if those at the top (responsible for the trickle down), are benevolent people…not capitalism cheerleaders where it’s survival of the fittest or I’ll get mine and leave you behind.  The Jim and I are working to scale down a lot of things this year and be more “frugal” indeed, although I worry because if we all do that then the situation continues to just worsen on many levels.  Yes, I do think that the big 3 car companies need help, but why can’t some of the excess be cut out at the top levels rather than those who actually build the cars?  Add to that, the continuing new influx of posturing from Russia, Iran and any other country who’s not a big fan of ours these days and it makes you feel like the kid on the playground who’s obviously dealing with their status as underdog.  If anything positive can come out of this situation, I hope that it’s people becoming more community focused…more conscious of others…more delight found in simple things like time spent with friends, doing things that are not focused on spending a lot but rebuilding connection.  In the meantime, I suppose all we can do is be vigilant, trying to keep our collective chins up, and hoping…just hoping that things will get better.

CH…CH…CH…CH…CHANGES.

In the midst of the situation at our church, other changes have been happening around the house of the Retro-moderns.  I think that the general litany of changes is what’s giving me some residual blues. Lots of change in a short amount of time is exhausting and requires a good portion of adjustment.  Here’s a recap for anyone who doesn’t know what’s been goin’ on in our neck of the sidewalk.

1) Finally, flood repairs are almost completed.  The repairs to the house started last week thanks to State Farm’s program of we’ll get you a contractor and we’ll assure they’ll get the job done.  So far, so good.  The tile in the kitchen has been replaced with new glossy faux black marble (which Easton, our golden-labointer pup is afraid of because he doesn’t like “shiny” floors).  We were going to go white with black design on the kitchen floor originally to lighten up the place but in all honesty the floor now matches the original and makes us feel still true to the house’s retro feel.  They also had to replace the ceiling (entirely) in the downstairs rec room and it looks really nice.  Today comes the new carpet and new couch.  By this time next week, it will have a women’s touch and our lives (at least in our home space), will return to normalcy…what ever that is.

2) They offered, and I accepted.  After a lot of agonizing thought, I have decided to leave my current job (which I care deeply for), for some new opportunities in my original field of study.  It’s a great chance for me to get in on the lower-floors of an expanding company/service at a starting salary higher than my present. In this economy, that’s hard to pass up.  The truth is, while I’m excited about the new ventures (to commence September 2nd), I am going to truly miss what I’m leaving behind at my current job.  Being a project manager allowed me to finally take ownership of a program and shape it.  It became my “baby”, and I think, looking back, I really did okay with it (it’s hard for me to self-compliment so bear with me).  I’ve had a stellar supervisor and I truly love my co-workers/colleagues.  So, for the first time for me, a new and better opportunity is accepted with a hint of bittersweet.  Ah well.  On the plus side, we’ve been forever changed by my experiences in this job.  We’ll continue to be respite foster parents.  I’ll continue to be teaching PATH classes as a foster-parent trainer.  We’re stepping up on our mentoring role for our “kiddo”.  So, if anyone thinks we haven’t been impacted by the power of my work, they’re wrong.  However, when you’re me…and you’ve spent your whole life shaping your self worth around your career (due to lack of creating a family – which by golly, we need to start moving on), not being begged to stay makes you feel like your worth hasn’t been appreciated.  I know that’s probably my blues speaking, but hey…I gotta say what I’m feelin’.

So with those two big shifts in perception, along with the jolt at our dear TVUUC it’s been a week of transition.  Inevitably, change is a part of life and with it we still experience the range of emotions that accompany any loss and gain.  I’m looking forward to being able to appreciate that silver lining sometime soon.  Perhaps a little Bowie will help.

Here’s to the future!

IN THE END, LOVE WILL HELP US SURVIVE

The Chalice

The Jim and I have returned from a powerful and meaningful experience with our TVUUC family tonight.  For the first time, in a very long time, I let down my guard and my fears of being hurt and I truly reached out and held others in return.  TVUUC is a place that continues to teach me how to be a loving advocate for hope in this world and to work very hard to find mutual understanding and connection.  There was support there from so many in Knoxville and so many various walks of life and faith…all there…united together.  For anyone who has any misconceptions about UU, let me tell you – I am a Lutheran UU.  I have my masters degree in clinical counseling psychology and pastoral counseling.  I believe there are many paths to the truth and I value everyone’s personal search for that meaning.  NO matter what you may hear in the days to come, know this…we are a community of people who care and love and live in the hope that the world will learn to fully do the same and Greg McKendry is a hero (in more ways that just what you will know and what I am able to express right now).  We are Christian, Jewish, Buddhist, Islamic, Agnostic, Scientific and more…and yet, we were there – together – candles lit from one another sharing the hope that in the end, LOVE is what will help us all (all of us in this world), survive whatever horror each day brings.

Work to promote that sense of love.  Breathe it each day of your life.

To my TVUUC family, I love you and thank you for loving me despite myself and thank you…God above for loving me always.   The Jim and I thank you for being here in this community and for being TVUUC.

STILL SENSELESS TRAGEDY AT TVUUC – HOPE NEEDED

Today, all of us who were connected to TVUUC sat in front of our TVs and the internet, waiting for some answers.  Anything that helped make this event seem less random.  We got some word but for me, it still makes this tragedy senseless.  Reportedly, the gunman felt angry at his joblessness status and wanted to make an impact on the “liberal movement”. If you are a member of TVUUC or you have read more about it since this incident, yes, we are a liberal faith meaning we are OPEN to anyone and everyone regardless of race, creed, culture, sexual orientation or prior religious affiliation.  TVUUC is a community of people who welcome all with open doors and do their best to not judge anyone who enters there.  It was my first church community that I even considered after the death of my Mom almost 10 years ago…I was searching for a sense of belonging and spiritual connection, even with my ambiguous faith that surfaced after the loss of someone I loved.  I found it at TVUUC.  While, I never felt like I completely fit in…it was the most sense of belonging I had to a church in a decade.  Some of the biggest choices in my adult life were made with some of the members of that church.  Some choices were beautiful and hopeful, and some choices were hard and heartbreaking.  All along, I had faith that even with some of those difficult choices that the congregation would hold each other up and take care of those who needed it most.  When I walked away (for a while), I did so to allow time for healing.  Now, I cannot even consider NOT going back to help heal with everyone.  I talked to a number of my TVUUC friends last night and for the first time realized that I can change my relationships RIGHT NOW.  I can continue to limp around with past wounds and not engage.  I could just sit and stew, soured by someone’s expression of frustration.  I am angry, but when do we start to use anger for something more than negative.  Now, because something has threatened an institution I believe has only has set out to do things like promote acceptance, peace and unconditional love – I cannot and will not runaway.  I only pray and hope that this tragedy creates a stronger sense of community and reforms bonds of love and acceptance in this country…that’s all I can pray for.  Peace, love and hope…three things that matter most in a time of chaos and hurt.  I pray that everyone will work towards this and turn their pain and anger into something more, something greater and something powerful…for something good.

TVUUC – A PLACE OF PEACE AND LOVE

We sit here.  Stunned and disbelieving.  The tragedy is closer to us than we had previously thought and is devastating.

We can say nothing right now because nothing makes any sense.

We just want people to do 3 things:

1) Please help if you can.

2) Keep the wonderful people and the families of the vicitms deep in our prayers and thoughts.

3) Know that TVUUC is a place of genuine peace and love and work in your lives to increase both of these things in this world.   The world has lost one of those great people who promoted and lived BOTH; a man of true honor and goodness.  Few of us can walk in his shoes, but by God we can sure try.